Heartbreak

The title explains it all. People always ask me why aren't you dating anyone? Why don't you have a girlfriend etc.. I tell them the truth, I'm not ready. It sounds stupid but it's the truth, I'm very career driven and feel that being with someone would just distract me. That's what I always thought was the reason for why I wouldn't jump into a serious relationship but then it hit me, there's more to it. I'm soo scared of getting hurt. I hate the feeling of losing something you once had, I hate the feeling of built up emotions that you just can't express, I hate not being able to fully control a situation. I experience smaller dosage of this when I fight with friends or family members so I can only imagine how much deeper those feelings would be if it was with someone I was intimate with. Not saying I haven't been in a relationship before because that would be a lie but a serious serious one, I can't say that I have.

Is it stupid for me to feel this way? I know all the positive things that come out of relationships and hapiness they can bring but dammn the negative side can weigh just as much and I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

So until I bottle up the courage to take a deep dive into love & relationships, I'mma keep it light and now I hope you understand why I am the way I am.

Reflection Time

So now that my birthday and the crazy weekend has passed, it's time for me to reflect and begin to make some moves/goals. I have been thinking a lot about my career and my personal life these days. At the moment, I'm not satisfied with the way that my career is going. Modelling and music are both two things that I have been dedicating most of my time to. Honestly those two things are what I feel and truly believe are what I was meant to do. Not only do I believe that but I have put wayy too much time and effort into pursuing those two careers in order to give up anytime soon. I have sacrificed the "normal" life and a lot of the experiences that come along with living that life in order to focus on my dreams. To me, giving up would seem like all that sacrifce and determination that I put in was a waste of time.

On that note, I have to get my shit together. Like I mean, I need to start making that "good, good" money in order to focus on my career full time. I do make money from my work mostly modelling but not enough to survive off of solely. I hate working the regular 9 -5 stuff and I'm soo over school as well. I'm taking some time to come up with a plan and propel myself to the next level.

Anyways enough about me for now, I'm gunna go work on some vocals.

Coming to an end!

This weekend has been crazy & I'm super exhausted but I'm still doing my thing. Friday, I went out for lunch with my roomate and then just chilled for the afternoon. He bought me my favourite type of cake "New York Cheesecake", and then I headed out for take-out with my other homie Nebbula. We had some bomb ass pasta and a few alcoholic beverages. Later on we headed to Lobby to celebrate my birthday at Jimmy's party. I had soo much fun, moet is truly becoming my favourite drink of choice! I left early becaause I was getting wayy too loose haha. I woke up saturday a huge mess but pulled myself together to go out for dinner with another homie of mine Tika. We went out to eat at this dope italian restaurant & I had my favourite meal "Spaghetti & Meatballs. I had cake again there & then headed out to meet a couple of friends to go to circa.
A little mix up happened that night but it still turned out good. I must say I'm pretty happy with my weekend & look forward to taking a little break from the scene for a while after tonight.

Tonight is the Much Music Video Awards & no one really cares about the awards it's ALLL about the Pre-party & the afterparties. I'm heading out to the pre party put on by a good friend of mine, Karine Delage of Karyzma agency & then I'm headed to a couple afterparties I believe.

anyways will update you guys later.

for now here's a couple picctchaa's

It's My Birrthdayy!

Wow! Today is the day, I have grown one more year, although I don't feel any different I am very thankful. I am thankful to see another year and for all the good people, great experiences and chanllenges that life has thrown at me. I swear this journey is a non-stop adventure of learning.
Last night I went out to celebrate my pre-birthday with my NAM models. We hosted a party at Ultra Super club and had an All White theme. I swear my agents came up with that theme to be a total contradiction to our daily lives cuz we all KNOW that ain't nothing PURE in the model industry haha!

Tonight, I will be celebrating my birthday at Jimmy Cooks party with my a couple of my closest friends. Saturday I have the option of being at either Will I AM of the Black Eyed Peas or at Circa nightclub for Traffic Saturday with 4Korners. annnnd then Sunday, I will be at the MMVA's Pre party for my girl Karine's event and then hitting up a couple parties.. Chris Bosh is hosting one, Aubrey aka Drake is hosting one, The Field is hosting one, Circa is hosting one and soo many more.


Here's a preview from last nights party.



NAM BOYS

NAM MODELS
NAM BLACK DREAM TEAM - missing Nadeen though!

Busy Busy Busy

This is gunna be a short but sweet post, I am extremely exhausted but I just noticed that I've been neglecting my weekly blog for a minute. Anyways, these past couple of days have been extremely busy on my end. I'm always at the gym, modeling, work, events & much more it seems. Sometimes I think there's not enough time in the day to get everything done.

Anyways my birthday is coming up in about 4 days woop woop! I will have the details about my party and all that good stuff real soon for you. My friends Shannae Ingleton of WWW and NebbyNeb of "The Segment" are helping me plan things so it's going to be dope.

Last night I hit up Circa for my homie Jimmy's birthday and I brought a couple friends, Ed, Kristina & Tika for the party. We popped bottles, danced on couches, took photos and just had a great time. HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOMIE! see you at my party this weeeekend!

The Much Music Video Awards are quickly coming up this Sunday and there is soo much to get done before then, so expect another busy weekend ahead.

My friend Karine of Karyzma agency will be hosting the dopest Pre-party, so look out for that. There are going to be millions of parties going on that night but TRUST me when I tell you that the one I will be at is going to be the dopest!

I'll keep you in the loop but for now check out some photos from this week & last.


as well.. I will be posting a couple pics from my shoot with Mackenzie James I did a while ago soon.

Christian

trying to find stability in instability..

Haha, that's pretty much how I feel right now. I'm such a planner it's disgusting, I need to make sure everythings gunna go this way and nottt thaaatt wayyy type of thing. This week has been by far crazy and interesting, I'm not too sure how I feel about everything yet but hey let's try it. I finnaally got a job (I act like I've been looking) haha, anyways I start at Abercrombie & Fitch next week. I had a meeting with Trevor Pretty dope choreographer/music producer and we established that were gunna be working on some things together. I can't get into too much details yet but let's just say things may be popping off real soon.

Anyways gotta keep this short gotta head out right now,

talk soon,

Christian